Maybe there’s a point…Maybe there isn’t…

In my early college days I worked at Lowe’s Home Improvement.  It was a great job for a girl who wanted to meet guys to learn the difference between a circular saw and a jig saw.  I was only there a short time before I told the manager to take this job and shove it moved on to better career opportunities…like Ryan’s.  Hello, welcome to Ryan’s.  What can I get you to drink today? 

Yes…I was on the fast path to success…and I smelled like a big, fat yeast roll every night when I got off of work.

Where was I going with this??  There must have been a point…maybe…possibly…

Yes…there was…back to Lowe’s…

There was a man who worked in the lawn and garden department named Ron.  He was a very nice man about my dad’s age who I just instantly liked.  One day, he asked me what I was studying in school and I told him that I was going to be a teacher.  Immediately, he curled his nose and said…That will never work.  You’re too much of a free spirit. 

At the time, I had no idea what he was talking about.  However, the older more experienced at life that I get, it does some how make sense.  I did not end up teaching.  I graduated with a degree in Criminal Justice.  I got a job out of college that I loved…but ended up moving on.  I have a job that I love now, but will soon be moving on.

Part of me worries that, when I am at home with my kids, that restlessness will kick in again.  I loved this post about the fears of going from a working mom to a stay at home mom.  What if this free spirit can not handle three kids all day by herself?  What if I’m…just.not.good.at.it?

5 and 1/2 months until I have this baby and make a huge life change…

And, yes, I realize that I quoted a Johnny Paycheck song in this post and the vast majority of people reading will have no idea who I am talking about.   However…I am a truck-driver’s daughter and am prone to speak in country-western lyrics. 

So…roll on, eighteen wheeler, roll on…

Sometimes…He’s behind us.

I have always said that God has protected me.  Not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally. 

I grew up with this unexplainable love of God…this innocence that, in all honesty, should not have been there.

There has never been a time when I doubted God’s love for me or His guiding presence…until this week.

It seems like there has been one trial after another…some small and some very serious.  Finally, I just snapped…seriously, God, that’s enough.  I was not very Job-ish…you know, in all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong doing (Job 1:22.)  I was not very Job-ish at all.

My husband asked me the other night…What is God saying to you?  My response?  God is not speaking much these days.  And I meant it.  I felt like I had been the obedient child following close behind Him and, without warning, He disappeared.  He ran off and left me without even noticing that I was no longer able to keep up.

I felt absolutely alone.

Then this morning, I was reading in Exodus…about the angel of God going before the Israelites and leading them through the wilderness.  I couldn’t help but think…You better keep your eye on Him because He could disappear at any minute.  Then…I read this:

And the Angel of God, who went before the camp of Israel, moved and went behind them; and the pillar of cloud went from before them and stood behind them.  — Exodus 14:19

I am probably the only one who finds this amazing…but, God was leading them through the wilderness and then, suddenly, He was no longer in front of them.  Why?

The enemy was approaching.  The Egyptians were chasing the Israelites.  But…God was not going to let them be overcome.  Instead, He took His place in between the enemy and His children.

Sometimes…God is not subtle at all.

God has set me on a path…given me clear direction on where to go.

It’s kind of like the joke where the wife complains that the husband never says that he loves her.  The husband replies…I told you on our wedding day.  If anything changes, I’ll let you know.  My husband loves to use that one on me.

God set me on this path and I have not received any indication from Him that the course needs to change.  If, for a moment, I can’t see Him…it may just be that He is behind me…standing between me and the Enemy.

You have shut me in…behind and before.  – Psalm 139:5 Amplified Bible

Closer to Love…

Coming down from the mountain…

Sometimes…when I’m having a sweet time with the Lord…I wish I could just stay in that place.  I wish I didn’t have to come down from the mountain.  I wish that I didn’t have to leave the fellowship and tend to dirty laundry and hungry people and the general pressures of life. 

I do believe Moses can totally relate to that feeling.  He had the mountain top of all mountain top experiences.  However, he was brought back to the harsh realities of life.  After forty glorious days and nights with God…being taught…having fellowship…seeing the blueprints for the tabernacle…the Lord speaks these words to Moses:

…Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt.  – Exodus 32:7 NIV

Party over.  Back to work.  There are situations that need to be handled.  Can you imagine?  I can.

After a crazy, stressful day, you finally sit at the table to have a quiet time and the baby wakes up from her nap.

You’re enjoying a relaxing Sunday afternoon…watching television…playing a little Scrabble with your honey…and…I don’t know…your oven bursts into flames and you have to break out the fire extinguisher and make a big mess in your kitchen…not to mention the cost of replacing said oven. 

Suddenly, your rocky mountain high is officially over.

Lately, Michael and I have been watching this show on the history channel called, Expedition Africa.  It is about this group of people on an…expedition…in Africa.  Okay, that was pretty obvious. 

In a recent episode, the self-appointed leader of the group was explaining the risks of that day’s travels.  You see, they had just spent several long days traveling to the top of this huge mountain.  And, they were all ready for some easy days of going downhill instead.  However, Pasquale (the leader) shocked them all by saying…Going down the mountain is far more dangerous than going up.

After hearing that, here is what occurred to me.

1. You have to take what you’ve learned on the mountain and put it into practice when you go back down…Moses was given very specific instructions on what he was to do when he went back to the people who were waiting below.
2. Those who were not on the mountain with you may not understand what you have been doing and learning…The people down below did not have a clue what was going on up on the mountain.  All they knew was that Moses delayed in returning.
3. You are much more vulnerable on the mountain top than you are in the valley…Satan is not as concerned with those who are trying to navigate their way through a valley.  However, when you are on the mountain and feeling connected…it’s like there is a large, red target on your forehead.
4. You are held responsible for what you are told on the mountain…When you seek the Lord…sit in His presence…seek His guidance…you are then responsible for acting in obedience to whatever you have been told.

I would have to agree…Going down the mountain is far more dangerous than going up.  Going down into a world that may not understand the life you are trying to lead.  Returning to hardships that have not gone away just because you have spent some time with the Lord.  Being attacked by Satan who will try to make you question everything the Lord told you while on the mountain.

Yes, it is hard…which is why we must continually return to our mountain of refuge (Psalm 18:2.)

It’s tough being 5…

Being five years old means…a little more freedom.

Being five years old means…a little more responsibility.

Being five years old means…no longer taking a nap at school…

which, approximately 2.5 seconds after being picked up from school, results in this…

Sorry that it’s blurry, but I was driving down the road. 

Oh, I kid…I was at a red light.

Feed Me, Lord

I intended to write a post on faith today…in fact, I thought about it a lot.  I was going to talk about the book, Crazy Love, and about how Francis Chan says…Having faith often means doing what others see as crazy.  Something is wrong when our lives make sense to unbelievers.  That is such an awesome statement.  But, I just couldn’t pull it together.  I wanted to say…Yeah, I’m doing something crazy and I’m loving it.  I’m stepping out and feeling great.  But, that’s just not where I am tonight.  Not at all…

After spending a lot of time in prayer tonight…the Lord led me to this passage:

I have compassion on the multitude, because they have now continued with Me three days and have nothing to eat.  And if I send them away hungry to their own houses, they will faint on the way; for some of them have come from afar.  - Mark 8:2-3

When I first read that, I thought…Okay, Lord…What in the world has that got to do with me?   But, after reading it a couple times, I realized I was the multitude.  These people had left the comfort of their homes and all they had to follow Jesus.  They didn’t want to miss a single lesson that He taught.  They so wanted to follow Him that they didn’t even stop to pack food.  They just followed.

I have followed.  Just followed.  I felt his urging to make a change and, before my flesh could back out, I left comfort and security and followed.  And I didn’t pack a thing.  I didn’t make sure I would have provision on the way.  I didn’t verify the ultimate destination.  I just heard his voice and followed.

And, like the multitude, I find myself in the wilderness.  No one is patting me on the back for my obedience.  On the contrary, everyone is questioning my sanity…or, at the very least, my wisdom. 

I’m in the wilderness…and I’m tired…and I’m hungry.

And, if He doesn’t feed me, I will faint…for I have come a long way…

Leaving the good…

Sometimes…I fear I have lost my mind.

I am walking away from a great job…nice salary…good benefits…totally flexible schedule…seriously, a great job.

People are continually asking me if I’m sure or if I have really thought this through.  I realize they are asking out of concern, not criticism.  Yet…the mere question is just enough to put the seed of doubt in my head.

Am I sure?

Have I thought this through?

Yes…I have a very good job.  One that has provided many benefits for my family over the years.

Oddly enough…I keep thinking of something my boss said in one of his books.  I would love to tell you which one, but the man has written so many of them.  I just don’t know.  But he made this statement…It is a sin to be good when God has called you to be great. 

This job is good.  This job is safe.  But, this job is not what God is calling me to at this point in my life.  Sometimes…we have to let go of something good…so that God can do something great.

And, whatever I am leaving behind…I’m certain these girls are worth it…

Not to mention the sweet one we have yet to meet!

Visit Me…

at the Internet Cafe today!

Lessons from a man once blind…Part III (Final Lesson)

I once heard a pastor say that you can not have an encounter with Jesus and remain unaffected. 

You can not come face to face with the crucified, risen-from-the-dead Son of God and then go on about your business as usual.  You can no longer view the injustices around you and write it off as the result of living in a fallen world.  You can not admire the sacrificial lives of others without realizing that you are called to live the same way.

The more in-depth I get in the study of God’s Word…the more I realize just how much I love Him and, even more so, how crazy about me He is…the more my eyes are opened…

I have just started the book, Crazy Love.  Already…I fear it has ruined me…ruined me for the status quo…ruined me for a life of playing it safe.  Francis Chan makes a statement early in the book that really made me think…

“It’s crazy that we think today is just a normal day to do whatever we want with.”

He is referring to the fact that our lives are just vapors.  We are not promised tomorrow, yet we live as if we have all the time in the world promised to us.  People are starving…hurting…lonely…lost and going to hell.  And we have the answer.  Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians…

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels…  – 2 Corinthians 4:7

The treasure Paul is referring to is the gospel…the knowledge of Christ…the good news of God’s love for us.  We have this treasure that is meant to be shared.  Yet, we hold it inside our earthen vessels and assume we will have other opportunities.

Lesson #3:   An encounter with Christ means change

Then Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.”  And immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus on the road.   – Mark 10:52

Jesus granted Bartimaeus’ request.  He healed him.  And then He gave him permission to go his way…back to his life…back to whatever it was he thought he would always do if only he could see.  The only problem?  Bartimaeus had just had an encounter with Christ.  There was no going back.  To go his way was no longer an option.

Bartimaeus was ruined for anything other than a life of following Jesus.  He now had the gift…the responsibility…the overwhelming honor of carrying the treasure in an earthen vessel. 

In the preface to Crazy Love, Francis Chan makes this statement…But you will have a choice: to adjust how you live daily or to stay the same.  Now, he is referring to the choice you will have to make after reading this book.  But, this is a choice you have to make when you encounter God…when you come face-to-face with who He is and what He has done…actually there is no choice. 

You can not stay the same…

Not because it will be easy…

Not because it will be financially rewarding…

Not because people will admire you…

But because you are ruined for anything less than all He created you to be and do.

 

Lessons from a man once blind…Part II

Sometimes, when we are in the midst of a difficult time…the worst feeling in the world can be the feeling that God doesn’t hear us…that He is oblivious to our cries.

I think of how many of the psalms begin with a desperate plea to be heard:

Hear me when I call, O God… (Psalm 4)

Give ear to my words, O Lord…(Psalm 5)

Hear a just cause, O Lord…(Psalm 17)

On and on they go…and then there is my favorite:

I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice…(Psalm 116)

Lesson #2:  He Hears

So Jesus stood still and commanded him (Bartimaeus) to be called.  – Mark 10:49

Among all of the people…above all of the noise…amidst all the thoughts that were running through His head…Jesus heard the cries of Bartimaeus.  And He stopped.  And He demanded that His child be brought to Him.

I think back to when I made that decision…when I realized that now was the time to ask Christ to forgive me and take control of this life.  Down on my knees I, like Bartimaeus, was in need of mercy.  And, just like all of those years before, Jesus stopped and commanded that His child be brought to His side.

I sat last night with my two girls and listened to the African Children’s Choir put on an amazing performance.  I sat amazed as a group of orphaned children sang the praises of the One who hears their voice and declared that…before I was born, I was His choice.

Yes…make no mistake…our God hears the cries of His children.