This Thing

I would be lying if I said that 2009 was an easy year. 

God ended the year with profound proof of His faithfulness…the birth of our beautiful daughter, Sarah, on December 30.  She’s healthy and whole and wonderful. 

Still, the months leading up to that moment were difficult and confusing and overwhelming.

I think that we, as believers, often think that being with Jesus is the safest place to be…that we should somehow be exempt from disappointments and devastation.  One of my favorite books, Not a Safe God, by Tim Riter addresses some of the more difficult teachings of Jesus.  I love this quote…

We’ve made God comfortable. But if we take Him seriously, He’ll overturn our current lifestyles.

We want a comfortable God, don’t we?  We want to be followers of Christ, but still enjoy a life of ease and personal freedom.  We are offended when trials come our way.

Unfortunately, life is just that way…filled with trials, hardships and disappointments.

I love the writing and teaching of Paul.  He just seems to have had it all together.

I’ve been reading in 2 Corinthians and am in awe of all that he endured for the cause of Christ.  He seems almost…superhuman…

He endured beatings, stoning, shipwrecks, robbers, deceitful brethren…and on and on.  Yet, the part that touched me…

in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often…  – 2 Corinthians 11:27

Paul felt weary…tired.  He had nights…often…where sleep was elusive.  And, with all that he endured for the cause of Christ, there was something…something that he pleaded with the Lord to remove.  Yet, the Lord did not.  If anyone was deserving of having a prayer answered…surely it was he. 

That is the flaw in our logic, however…that anyone is deserving of anything good. 

Concerning this thing…those are Paul’s words.  He pleaded with the Lord for mercy…pleaded  with the Lord to remove this thorn in the flesh…this thing that caused him pain.  I’m certain that we could, without giving it a second thought, name our thorn in the flesh.  We all have something that has proved to be a source of pain…something that we have begged the Lord to remove…or to give…or to change.  I know that I could quite easily name mine.

Yet, I have been forced to ask myself many times in recent months…What if the Lord never provides that specific thing?  He didn’t for Paul.  Paul was told that the grace of the Lord was sufficient. 

I am enough.  That is what I have continually heard God whisper in my ear.  To be honest, at times, it has infuriated me.  At times, it has comforted me. 

Concerning this thing, I have pleaded with the Lord…And He has said to me…I am enough.

Jesus is the gift…

I came across the most wonderful quote by John Piper recently:

Jesus did not come mainly to be useful but mainly to be precious.  All his gifts are meant to make the Giver glorious.

I just keep playing those words over and over…and it has changed the way I have thought about Christmas this year.

If I ask my daughter why Jesus was born, she will tell me…to save us from our sins. That is the answer that most Christians would give.

I began thinking…We all know that Jesus came so that we could have access to the Father…so that we could be free from the burden of our sin…so that we can go to heaven when we die…And I realized that, yes, I viewed the coming of Christ as quite…useful.

But, what if…as John Piper states…Jesus did not come mainly to be useful…

I feel as if I have been missing a very important aspect of Christ’s coming…His preciousness…His sweetness…His innocence.

In 7 days, I will hold a newborn child in my arms…a completely vulnerable, dependent on me, precious gift from God. I will not look at her and think…How can she be useful to me?  What has she come to do for me? No, my heart will be overwhelmed at her mere presence…at the very idea that God would send such a gift.

So now…when I read in Luke 2…

…you will find a baby wrapped snugly in cloth and lying in a manger. – Luke 2:12 HCSB

I have to smile at the gift of it all.  God did not send his one and only Son into the world to be used by me…Jesus is a precious gift given by the Father to show me just how much I mean to Him.  Jesus came so that I would then turn and give the Father glory.

Jesus is not a genie in a bottle…He is not someone to be used and then discarded…Christ is a gift to us.

And…

…Every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father… - James 1:17 HCSB

I blame Claire.

Why do we women think that we have to do it all?  What makes us think that we can do a thousand things and do them all well?

I blame Claire Huxtable.

That’s right…it’s all her fault.

Claire, the lawyer…and not just any ordinary lawyer…an extremely successful-partner in the law firm-wins every case kind of lawyer.

She knits.  She sews.  She grows her own vegetables (award winning squash, no less.)  She sings.  She dances.  She cooks. She bakes.  There is never a dirty dish in her sink nor so much as a pillow out of place in the living room.

She has five children, yet, there is never a toy in the floor or a pair of shoes left out in the open.

She is always in the mood to be romantic with her husband as they sit on the couch feeding each other fruit while jazz softly plays in the background.

Yes, I do believe I blame her.

The True Meaning of Christmas…

Ella:  I see baby Jesus.  Baby Jesus is sad.

Me:  Why is that?

Ella:  He just wants him daddy.

Me:  Okay, girls.  Now turn around and look at me for a picture.

Emily:  I think we should hug each other.  I just love Ella so much.

Santa:  What is your favorite thing about Christmas?

Emily:  That it is Jesus’ birthday.  *Emily then proceeds to tell him the Christmas story.

Me:  What made you tell Santa all about Jesus?

Emily:  I just thought he should know.

All I Want For Christmas is You…

Family members keep asking me what I want for Christmas.  In years past…I would have a list ready.  You know, the cute little sweater I had my eye on…the latest kitchen gadget that will look pretty and remain unused because everyone knows that I don’t cook…maybe my latest favorite music…

Yet, this year…nothing.  Nothing, that is, that can be wrapped and placed under my Christmas tree.

One of my new favorite blogs is The Gypsy Mama…such wonderful writing and some great spiritual insights.  Recently, I read this post and it has had me thinking ever since…thinking about expectations…things I want…things I have thought I wanted in the past…

I commented on that post..I, too, have recently been obsessed with things I want…things that I tell myself would make me happier.  My prayer this week has been that I would be satisfied with Him.

That I would be satisfied with Him…Those words…my words…have just been rolling around in my head.

But, God, this is not how I envisioned my life…That I would be satisfied with Him.

You don’t understand, God, I have this unfulfilled desire…That I would be satisfied with Him.

The hurt, though, is too much…That I would be satisfied with Him…

The thing about learning Scripture is that it becomes embedded in your mind and in your heart.  When you need it, His Word is immediately there…verses you memorized years ago come back to comfort you.  However,  I have found that they also come back to convict you…to remind you of what it is you are supposed to be seeking…what it is that is supposed to bring you fulfillment.

Every time I have whined expressed to the Lord my frustration, my hurt, my anger at a situation…my longing for something more than what I have…this verse has repeatedly come to my mind…

My lips will glorify You because Your faithful love is better than life. You satisfy me as with rich food... – Psalm 63:3,5 HCSB

That I would be satisfied with Him…That I would allow Him to satisfy me.

His love…His faithful love…is better than anything that life has to offer.  And He satisfies…

He is enough…

Cakes From Scratch…Homemade Wreaths…Somebody Save Me.

I am clearly in the nesting stage of this pregnancy.

At 6:00 a.m. on Saturday morning, my girls were playing play-doh at the kitchen table.

This is unusual because, normally, my husband and I avoid play-doh at all costs.  It gets stuck to the table and all over the floor and…well, it’s just a mess.  However, I allowed it on Saturday morning because I had an insane need to bake a cake…from scratch…at 6:00 a.m.  I’m sorry, Nancy, I just.couldn’t.help.myself.

So, I did…

Then, the girls and I, decorated the Christmas tree.  Well, I put the hooks on the ornaments and the girls hung them on the tree…which is why the bottom half of my tree got all of the ornament love.

Then, during nap time, I put together a baby swing.  Because, after all, I am having a baby in 23 days.

And then…after nap time…the girls and I took all of the goodies we had purchased at the arts and crafts store and created a lovely homemade Christmas wreath for our front door.

Clearly I’m nesting…our home is ready for its newest resident.

And, just for the record, that may or may not be my boss’ office that I borrowed for a moment to take a picture.

26 Days and Counting…

Friday is my absolute favorite day to blog because I get to check in on all the girls at Home Sanctuary.

Unfortunately, when they visit my site this week…

Somewhere between the holidays, work, church and the fact that…I am having. a. baby. in. 26. days…oh, my word…I have not been able to put together enough sentences to make a decent blog post.

However, I am the featured devotional writer in the December issue of The Christian Women’s Journal. So, feel free to check it out.  The whole issue is fabulous!…but, if you want to skip straight to page 10…I’m just sayin’…

Seriously…check it out.

And, just because it has been over a week since I have posted a picture of my lovely girls…

This was the Thanksgiving lunch at Emily’s school…

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

In Pursuit

What am I pursuing?

That thought has been running through my mind this morning…

I was cleaning out a bookshelf over the weekend and came across a journal of sermon notes that I took in 2004.  I don’t take sermon notes anymore and I’m thinking that I probably should.  As I flipped through the pages, I just happened to land on some notes from a sermon on contentment.  My eyes were drawn to a quote from my pastor, Bro. Glenn.

As long as your pursuit is of happiness…you will likely not ever find contentment.

What am I pursuing?

We are told in Psalm 34 to seek peace and pursue it.

Hosea tells us to pursue the knowledge of God.

Paul tells us in 1 Timothy 6:11 that we are to pursue righteousness…godliness… faith…love…endurance and gentleness.

The writer of Hebrews tells us to pursue peace with everyone and holiness. This passage goes on to warn against bitterness, which can cause trouble and defile many. I can’t help but think that bitterness creeps in when we are in pursuit of the wrong things…

So…What am I pursuing?

The Lord is not opposed to happiness.  We are told that Whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he…He who has mercy on the poor, happy is he…Happy is he whose hope is in the Lord…Happy is the man who finds wisdom…

The Lord is not opposed to happiness…the key, however, is that happiness is not the goal.

The goal:  To trust in the Lord

The goal:  To have mercy on the poor

The goal:  To place our hope in the Lord

The goal:  To seek wisdom

Our goal is not happiness.  Our pursuit should not be of happiness.

What am I pursuing?

Rainy Days and Mondays…

My baby has sick breath.  I don’t know what other moms call it, but that is how I refer to it.  Before the cough kicks in…before the stuffy nose…before the fussiness…I know it’s coming…because of the sick breath.

This morning…she had it…and it broke my heart.  I just wanted to snuggle with her on the couch and watch Mickey Mouse.  I wanted to make her a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch and cut it in the shape of a heart.  I wanted to pretend to eat her nose because she giggles uncontrollably when I do that.

Instead, I had to kiss her sweet face and go to work.  And I had to be reminded once again that I, despite the desires of my heart, am not a stay at home mom.

Not that I really needed the reminder.

It’s Monday…

It’s cold…

I’m 33 weeks pregnant and I’m tired…

And the vending machine is out of strawberry Pop Tarts.  Whoever thought that the brown sugar variety was an acceptable substitute was sadly mistaken.

And my baby has sick breath.

Born to be Wild…

Something about eighteen-wheelers makes me smile.

I don’t get nervous driving on the interstate with them.  I always let them merge in front of me when everyone else is desperate to not get stuck behind them.  I know better than to drive in their blind spot or to follow too close.

I know to beware of the ones my dad calls “two blinkers”…those who put their directional on, let it blink twice, and then change lanes regardless of who is in the way.

I’ve had my share of meals at truck stops.

I was the only seven year old who knew all the words to On the Road Again, Eighteen Wheels and a Dozen Roses and a multitude of other songs that no one else my age had ever heard of.

My dad’s handle was Mr. Clean and I would love to listen to all of the other truckers on the CB.

I’m familiar with the terms…road gator, Smokey and bobtail.  (Go ahead and look them up…I’ll wait.)

Too many times to count, I stood in my front yard and watched him drive away.

Our family photo albums are full of pictures of trucks…that just happen to have my brother and I standing in front of them.

I’m thankful that my dad’s free spirit hasn’t gone away over the years…

Yes, we are a free spirited people.

Like Pa…like granddaughter…

Born to be w-i-i-i-ld….